Regina Elrod | February 9, 2024
Whether you are seeking therapy, working with your psychologist, counselor, pastor, priest, or spiritual leader, you may come to a point that it just feels like you are not improving in your negative symptoms.
There are many factors that could be the cause of your inability to feel peace and healing. Past, unresolved trauma, childhood neglect, rejection, abandonment, growing up in adverse environments, and experiencing traumatic events are some general factors of internal brokenness. Your mind is a battlefield of good and evil, telling you what you can't do, reminding you of things you've done or experienced, and telling you lies about your life. For those who have had these experiences, there is no such thing as "time heals" or covering up the past. That just won't do it.
Trauma is any instance that is (1) out of your control and (2) causes negative emotions. On another level, Complex PTSD is a diagnosis recognized by the World Health Organization (WHO) but not yet by the American Psychiatric Association. Complex PTSD is described by severe and persistent 1) problems in affect regulation; 2) beliefs about oneself as diminished, defeated or worthless, accompanied by feelings of shame, guilt or failure related to the traumatic event; and 3) difficulties in sustaining relationships and in feeling close to others.1 These symptoms cause significant impairment in personal, family, social, educational, occupational or other important areas of functioning.1
So, why aren't you getting better? Well, one could say as the old adage, the trauma didn't happen overnight, so nor will it heal overnight. Your trauma has hit you harder than you thought, you've seen counselors, and taking psychiatric medications. Here is what research and I feel has to be done (in no particular order):
Recognize and explore your identity. Who are you? What are your morals, beliefs, abilities, strengths, likes/dislikes, who is your family, what is your personality and character traits, faith/belief-system, conflict resolution strategies, career, interests, etc. Identity should be developed throughout childhood, adolescents, and young adulthood. However, due to mal parenting or adverse conditions, this may not be the case. And that's okay! You can begin to develop a sense of identity at ANY age.
Understanding. Getting an understanding, as much as possible, of the trauma, your experiences, what was going on with the people involved, and what would be a normal, developmental response for you at that time is important to your healing. Development is not necessarily determined by age but can be affected by experience. For example, I could be 22 years of age, but be stuck in the developmental age of 13 due to adverse issues. However, it doesn't mean I don't know about sex or what it involves, as a 22-year-old would. My mind, my heart, my maturity level, on the other hand, may be stuck at 13.
Journal and write about your experiences. Whether you are creative or not, write about what you experienced, your feelings at the time, your feelings now, and why it wasn't good for you. Writing is a form of "getting out" what has been hidden inside of you - exposing what is darkness. You can write on your phone through apps or Notes (iPhone), or in a journal or notebook. Exposure of what is dark allows for light to come in.
Trusting the process. The process of healing and growth is complicated and takes time....I'm talking YEARS! You will find that you begin feeling so low and lost. Then you may get better for a while, then worse, then slightly better, then worse than before, then slowly better. This is healing. It is not linear; it is a big ball of yard of troubles that you are trying to unravel. Trust the process and keep pressing forward.
Find your tribe. You don't have to walk this journey alone, you shouldn't. We are social creatures, and it is not healthy to avoid people. There are others out there who have experienced similar traumas, and connecting with those who are in their healing process can be supportive and positive. You will have people who will understand your pain, inhibitions, worries, and more. But be careful, make sure their beliefs align with yours - the last thing you want is someone convincing you to do things that cause moral death. You can find people through group therapy, through Facebook groups, or local groups in your city/town.
Find a professional to speak with. Finding a counselor can be difficult to find because you have to find one that compliments what you need and your personality. Once you do, this is a person who you can pour out your heart, your hurts, your fears, your troubles, your shame, your guilt, your questions, and more without judgement or fear of them spreading rumors. Friends and family may or may not be the same - many find it is hard for them to handle our truth. A mental health professional can guide you through healing, shame or guilt, forgiveness (self and others), distorted thoughts, and understanding your identity, to name a few.
Complex trauma is not permanent, but it can be debilitating if you do not take the right steps to heal. It can cause problems in your family, relationships, work, and personal life. Unfortunately, there are those who do not believe we can heal from mental illness. I do not believe that people will always have a mental illness, as many psychological researchers have found and believe. I believe it is fighting for yourself to heal, find your truth, and get to that point of spiritual wholeness. If you give up in the "fight" and settle, that is your choice. But for me, I chose to continue to fight and I found my freedom. Check out this beautiful article by Sunny Lynn, OMC on Complex PTSD. You won't be disappointed.
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