***Possibly triggering blog***
What do you think of when you hear or read that word? Turns out that many have this word or concept pinned in a limited of categories. The true definition of trauma is any event witnessed or experienced that (1) creates an arousal of negative emotions (sadness, anger, fear, etc.) and (2) is out of a person's complete control.
Most people associate trauma with accidents, deaths, unwanted sexual encounters, natural disasters, and/or violence. However, trauma can be just as controversial as a pet passing, not hearing a parent tell you a positive statement, or seeing your grandparent fall and break a bone. The American Counseling Association (2024) states that Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is characterized by intrusive recollections (e.g., flashbacks, nightmares), avoidance/numbing (e.g., loss of interest, detachment), and hyperarousal symptoms (e.g., irritability, difficulty concentrating, sleep disturbance), and causes significant stress and/or functional impairment in important areas of functioning (e.g., social, occupational).
Even though I'm sure you read this with some good understanding, you may wonder what this looks like in every day life. A person with trauma may be more emotionally sensitive to interpersonal encounters where they feel little control towards the narrative, which usually entails them maintaining comfortable emotions. For example, an older brother gets upset with a younger sibling for telling their parent about them not getting on a sports team. The older sibling may have had one or more instances where a parent was verbally and emotionally abusive towards them for not making a different sports team some years prior.
Another example is a wife who gets upset at her husband not showing enough love. He cannot understand why she says these things, since he tells her he loves her multiple times a week and engages with her positively on a daily basis. The wife may have experienced neglect in her childhood or betrayal in a previous relationship that created this trauma response.
So, how can someone recognize trauma within themselves.
Pay attention to the criticism of those closest to you. If a spouse, parent, or sibling is taken aback by your response to something or some unhealthy behavior, the key is SELF-REFLECTION. A simple look into self to understand the root of this behavior can be scary and will take a good amount of humility to truly "see."
Create a trauma timeline. You can write a document, similar to what one would do in a history class, that notates all of the traumatic events you have experienced since or even before birth. One thing that science has proven is that trauma, just like other mental health issues, can be passed on from parent to child in the womb. Your trauma timeline will usually bring back into remembrance traumatic events that you may have forgotten, and it will take you on an emotional roller coaster so make sure you have the help of a mental health professional.
Talk with a close loved one or friend, who you feel is a "safe" space to be honest. A person who knows your history or a little about it may be able to help you with understanding what events are traumatic. Naturally, many people down-play their trauma, since it is not one of the typical ones mentioned earlier in this article (e.g., disasters, death, violence, etc.).
Some traumas are not a one-time event. Some children experience violence in and out of the home on a daily basis for years. "That pattern of uncertainty and instability can cause cognitive distortion, dissociation and problems with emotional self-regulation and relationship formation, and even alter a child’s brain structure, notes Lawson, the author of Family Violence: Explanations and Evidence-Based Clinical Practice (ACA, 2013)."
It is hard to know what is "normal" or healthy until you actually experience it. If I grow up hearing gun shots, seeing a father yell and/or hit a mother/wife, or live in a war-torn area, it becomes my "normal." The moment this child is taken from that environment, whether voluntarily or by way of another opportunity, their brain finds the opposite strange and sometimes very uncomfortable. Imagine someone who grows up in a violent neighborhood for 18 years, suddenly going off to college in a small town of Indiana surrounded by farms. Or another person seeing violence by their mother yelling and hitting their father, to then meet a friend later in life whose mother is nurturing, funny, and loving to her husband.
The CDC states that nearly two thirds of U.S. adults (63.9%) experienced one or more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). But I would add that trauma is actually experienced by every single person. Even if living in a small tribal village in the Amazon away from modern society, I may witness or learn of the death of another person (child or adult) who was bitten by a venonous snake. Trauma is subjective.
So, what was and is your "normal?" What negative emotions do you immediately respond with (irritation, sadness, rejection, etc.)? What behaviors have others alluded they didn't like that you do (drug/alcohol use, running away from problems, stonewalling, etc.)? As you do some humble self-reflection, you will find that maybe there is something going on within your heart from past damage. It may be possible that some traumatic event has negatively affected you in your adulthood.
It is going to be very, very important that you seek help from a counselor, psychologist, or life coach, who is trained/experienced in dealing with trauma. There are some very important steps that you need to take in carefully navigating your healing. Therapy for trauma is not a one-size-fits-all program. In addition, a professional may try multiple methods to help you process your trauma. Either way it is important that you heal in order to improve on you as a overall person, which will affect your intrapersonal relationship, interpersonal relationships, work productivity, emotion regulation, and overall mental health management.
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